More Autims Awaneress videos

Aside from the videos I made, I found this made from a dad that really moved me! 

Hope you will enjoy!

 

Autism Awareness videos

If you read my blog regularly, you might already have seen these 2 videos I made about my son. 

 If you don't read my blog regularly....well, what's wrong with you?!?!?!?! Just kidding. 

If you don't know it yet, I'm the proud mom of a young man on the spectrum and I love him so much!

 These videos were made about him to raise awareness about Autism.  

  

 Autism is a developments disability that affects several areas such communication, learning and social interaction. 

When most people think about Autism, they picture in their head a person that doesn't talk, makes noises and flaps their hands. 

While this is true, there are also lighter forms of Autism that can go hidden for a long time. 

Looking at my son, it will take you a while to see that he's "different", but nonetheless he's affected by this disability. Plus he was diagnoses with ADD and Tourette Syndrome. 

I, myself, have a light form of Asperger. I fake through things most of the times so people won't see it too well, but it's there. 

 Learn about Autism. 

While we can be prepared for "typical" people, the world still needs to be prepared about us. 

Please.

Autism Awareness month.

Welcome to April, Autism awareness month. 

As the picture above says, in our house is Autism Awareness every day, not only this month. 

That said, during this month you'll probably see lots of posts pertaining Autism from me. 

Please, spread the word and help me raise awareness. 

To start, some numbers for you to think on:

  

Are you aware yet?

 

Merry Christmas to me Part 5

I have started to get some Christmas goodies in the mail from my dear friends, so I thought to start sharing them with you and make you drool! 

It's time to thank Sewnfromtheheart for sending me this lovely ribbon and all the supplies to make Autism Awareness ribbons. 

I do love how thoughtful Alicia was knowing that this is a cause very dear to me!

For the victims in Connecticut....

I tried to make a post about this tragedy several times since I've heard the news, but every time I started crying and had to stop. 

I work at an elementary school and I have both my kids at an elementary school.....I've been having nightmares and anxiety attacks since Friday. You know, since I'm Autistic and all....I can't even imagine what those families are going through. 

 And every single detail that we're getting from the media, is literally making me sick. 

I've expressed my position of Autism linkage with violence before here (PLEASE STOP SAYING THAT), and I'm not going down that road again. 

BUT.....this is not about me or the mental (un)health of the shooter, it's about the little 20 children and the 6 school personnel that died, it's about their families and relatives having to bury children and loved ones, it's about families and an entire community having somehow to cope this 10 days before Christmas, it's about broken trust in humanity and broken hearts of innocent people. 

Pay your respect with me, if you please. 

Help Henry!!!

This hits pretty close to home because as some of you know, we went through it recently with signing up my son Gabriel to the local public school. 

You might remember my rant from a while back..... 

Please help Henry by signing this petition. 

Please help me STOP AUTISM DISCRIMINATION!!!

Speaking of Autism......

Since I was prepping for the 5k, I was inspired to make this videos about my kids and of course Autism. 

I know that it's not Autism awareness month yet, but I thought I will go ahead and make them up so I'd have them ready for April. 

Nonetheless, I hope you all will enjoy them 

The ONE Run

Isn't my daughter just darling watching all those runners go?? 

 I promoted this race before and yesterday was finally the day! It was lots of fun but today I totally paid the price of the fatigue. 

Still, it was totally worth it! 

This is me and hubby waiting for the race to start!

But let me tell you, I was tickled from Friday when I picked up my registration packet:

Of course, the packet contained my runner number (47), my personalized shirt that says "My Child is the ONE" and then lots of goodies from local sponsors like a bag from LuluLemons, an Autism Awareness bracelet, a clip holder from Chelco, tooth brush, tooth paste and floss from the local dentist, coupon for spa treatment, a beauty class and a night club coupon, plus free pass for the bowling alley and gift certificates along with soap, shampoo and facial creme samples.....even a pen and a drink holder.....JACK POT! 

My personal contribution was to crochet the medals that went to the winner. 

I created a small puzzle piece and I choose the colors green and blue as they are the colors of the school we were raising money for, the Emerald Coast Autism Center.

This is me running it!!

And this is how I looked after finish the whole 5K.....OMG!

Hubby even took a picture of my coming out of the port-a-potty, but I spare you that one! 

The things I'd do for this little guy!!

Join the race!

There is more then one reason why I'm started power walking and running lately. 

 Sure, loosing weight have a LOT to do with it, but also this cause is near and dear to me: The One Race

This race it's the first event of "The One Campaign", a series of events that will help the Emerald Coast Autism Center (ECAC) to raise money for scholarships and equipment they need to keep the school going.  

The Emerald Coast Autism Center is a no-profit school and most of my readers know that my son was enrolled in it and was able to graduate from it in a little less that 1 year. The staff is amazing, they allowed my son to recover from Autism and be able to go to school with typical peers. But they did much more that JUST that: they welcomed us (and still do) like family, supporting in every battle with the public school district and even allow me and hubby to go on dates. 

The concept of The One Campaign stems from the new CDC autism prevalence rate of 1 in 88. With the dramatic increase in the number of people with autism, it is our goal to raise funds and awareness by showing just how many of us know that ONE individual with autism. Perhaps your son, daughter or grandchild is the ONE. 

The point is, with such a high incidence rate, more and more of us are connected to someone whose life is affected by autism. All funds raised by The One Campaign will support the ECAC Scholarship Fund - a Fund established to assist families of children with autism who otherwise could not afford the services their children so desperately need. 

This is a local 5K race and I'd like to invite everyone of my friends to it. It's walking friendly (not everybody is able to run it, me included!) and by registering you will get a personalized T-shirt that will qualify the way you are affected by autism (available if you register before September 15th). 

Me and hubby's T shirt, for example, will say "My Child is the ONE". 

As I was saying, the race is walking friendly. I was able to save up and buy some comfy running shoes, but unfortunately my leg still hurts: I think it's an issue that I will have to address medically eventually. For now, I will still look cool in these!

Are you drooling yet?? 

 It is a sunset run, starting at 4:30 P.M on September 29th (Saturday evening). 

 After the run, there will be live music, drinks and amazing food from Tucker Duke's Lunchbox and prizes will be awarded for top 3 in 10 age groups Male and Female. 

There will also be a special prize to the 88th runner overall! In addition, we will be giving away raffle prizes and free food for all runners. 

 Did I convince you yet to sign up?? 

Registration Closing Date Friday, September 21, 2012 @ 11:59 PM PST 

 I hope to see you there!!

Please stop saying that!

Note: The following post regards a controversial issue. If you're easily offended by fool language, skip this post and come back tomorrow. 

Remember the 1st Amendment and love and peace to every one.

Dear 50 cents and Joe Scarborough, 

please stop saying that! 

Stop talking about things you don't know about. 

Some of you might have read in the news about these 2 celebrities that recently got under fire for their infamous comments about Autism. 

That's what happened with the rapper 50 cents. One day, someone sent him this tweet:{Quoting} "Release the album or get shot again." The rapper allegedly tweeted back, "yeah just saw your picture fool you look autistic." And, he didn't stop there. "I dont want no special ed kids on my time line follow some body else," he posted later. 

You can read the whole article HERE 

Alright then, let's see. How do I and my son look like? We have 2 eyes, 2 ears, 1 nose, 1 mouth, hair on our heads and teeth on our gums. Oh wait, wait! We miss the scars from a bullet due to someone shooting us. That's you sir, not us, my bad!! Go search "Autism" on Google and inform yourself, maybe you have a symptom or two. Don't give me wrong, I'm not saying that the person that tweeted him to get shot is any better, but I don't think it's because he/she is autistic.

Here it is, what Joe Scarborough said in his show: {Quoting}  

"As soon as I hear about this shooting (referring to the mass kill in Aurora, CO), I knew who it was. I knew it was a young, white male, probably from an affluent neighborhood, disconnected from society -- it happens time and time again," said Scarborough. "Most of it has to do with mental health; you have these people that are somewhere, I believe, on the autism scale. I don't know if that's the case here, but it happens more often than not." 

 Nice uh? Basically since I'm autistic, I'm so messed up and crazy that one day I will wake up and go off and shoot everybody in sight. NOT!! As an autistic person, I never have, and never will think of hurting anyone. I know it's wrong, you know? I'm not crazy, I'm only autistic. 

 Of course, this statement moved the read of other people with autism like me and their relatives, to the pint that Mr. Joe Scarborough had to take 5 minutes out of his busy day for an half-assed apology: {quoting}  

"During a debate regarding the recent Colorado shootings, I suggested that the Aurora tragedy should make Americans focus more on mental health in this country. I also stated that my own experiences raising a son with Aspergers made me keenly aware of how important strong support systems are to those who might otherwise be isolated. The growing Autism epidemic is a tremendous burden for children, parents and loved ones to endure. My call for increased funding and awareness for Autism and other mental health conditions was meant to support the efforts of those who work every day to improve the lives of Americans impacted. Those suggesting that I was linking all violent behavior to Autism missed my larger point and overlooked the fact that I have a wonderful, loving son with Aspergers. Perhaps I could have made my point more eloquently. I look forward to continuing my work with wonderful organizations like Autism Speaks to provide badly needed support to millions of Americans who struggle with Autism every day." 

You can read the whole article HERE 

  Hmmmm. No sir. You get brownie points for trying to cover your ass because, seriously, in your position it's all you can do, but don't piss on me without even bothering to call it rain, ok? 

1. Next time you want to bring awareness on the autism cause, please, please, please, do not put the word autism and mass kill in the same sentence, because they are NOT related to each other. 

2. As for you kid......I feel for him. He looks up to you to know that he can and to learn how he ca function in this society, and you just called his conditions "a tremendous burden for children, parents and loved ones to endure". Nicely done. 

3. And Autism Speaks???? Really??? Sir, you have to go and search on Google for Autism Speaks and inform yourself of the facts, about how much money the organization makes and how much of that money really reach people who can give these kids a chance. 

Please, inform yourself before farting stuff like that from your mouth, learn a thing of two about the "issue" that you're so strongly trying to bring awareness too. So strongly, that you used the attention that this horrible tragedy is getting to speak your shit in public. 

No sir, please stop trying to help the autism community because if this is the "help" you can give me that I don't want anything from you, please. 

Let's stop being disrespectful and remember the victim of this crazy act appropriately, without having to put a dump on it by the crap that comes from your mouth, please. 

The animal that did kill of these people, might be autistic or might be not, but this is not why he killed: obviously he's so deeply troubled that anyone can begin to understand. Enough said. 

These happenings struck a nerve to me. You won't believe how many times I hear people saying: "That kid....he has problems, issues, you know it's retarded or crazy....how do they call them??? Oh yeah, autistic, that's it!! His/her mom did drugs and was parting when she was pregnant, so what do you expect???" 

 It hurts and I tell you why. 

My mom didn't do any drugs while she was expecting me, or my brother or my sister. And yet, here I'm. I'm on the "autism scale" somewhere, so what? I'm quirky and weird, totally antisocial if I get my way and sorely socially awards when I don't. I can't be that bad, because I have a husband (almost 10 years!) and I have friends and coworkers. They seem able to tolerate me! So how bad can I be? 

When I had my son I was 21. I was healthy, exercised every day, watched my diet, hold down 2 jobs to pay tuition for college (In Biology and Nutrition, mind you!) and of course I had a little fun with the guy that became my husband. Healthy young sex with one partner, what a party girl!!! 

Hubby was 22, enrolled in the Navy for 4 years. 

We had little money, a broken car, bills to pay and a kid on the way. No way to pay for drugs or even cigarettes or buz. Let alone parting! 

As a matter of fact, I never saw my hubby drink, even at our wedding, he couldn't stand 1 inch of champagne, just the smell....go figure. 

But even so?? 

 People that do drugs, of sleep around or drink don't get babies with autism. 

Mothers who drink get babies with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, not Autism. 

 Mothers who do drugs during pregnancies, make babies with drug addictions or drug withdrawal, no autism. 

Mothers who sleep around get STDs that can be dangerous for babies, not autism. 

What I don't need is the judgements of people, more so of famous people, that without be informed make ignorant statements potentially dangerous for people like me and my son. 

Please, inform you self about what AUTISM really is and stop saying THAT!

No graduation for you

Yesterday was Mother's day and for me was a very difficult day. 

Sure, the cuddles and sweetness from hubby and the kids was nice, but in the back of my mind, I couldn't help but to miss MY mom and thinking how much my dad was missing his. 

Moms go through a great deal and I always thought that teenagers years were the worse, I know I myself gave my parents lots of headaches and disappointments as a teenager. Then again, my oldest is only 8 and I feel I already went through 10 times worse of whatever my parents experienced with the 3 of us. 

I wanted to come here and write a really cheerful post about mothers, when I came across this. 

Yet another proof that the world really doesn't understand what Autism is and how much it can affect these children and young adults out there. 

Do you know that a person with autism can get really depressed about this, at the point of thinking suicide? Is that what the other people wants? Is that what they hope? That the people with Autism will finally give up and kill themselves and extinguish??? Boy, does this show the ignorance here as it doesn't work this way at all. 

I'm loosing faith in humanity. I thought we were all people able to feel compassion and love, no matter of age, country, skin color, health status or religious believes, but they more I see of this world and the more I understand that people only think of that, but they don't really apply it. 

How difficult could it be to let this guy get the test again and give him a chance to graduate in time? And if you're going to tell me that he should have worked harder, please hold your tongue as I KNOW he worked harder that everybody else in that entire school. People graduate without knowing English nowadays, often because the family is rich and respectful, but for ordinary people that put all their efforts into it, they show up with nothing. 

Nice message to communicate. 

To the MOTHER in the video, my heart goes out......

No soup for you!

Attention my readers: this post is a bit different that the ones I usually publish, it's not my usual positive and warm-and-fuzzy-kinda of post, it's more of an ugly rant. If you already are dealing with your owns issue and can't stand foul language, skip this one, I'll see you tomorrow. 

 I have to take something off my chest, it's been sitting there for a while like a burden that I've learned to carry on with my in my daily activities. But there is a limit to what I can take on me and still keep my head up on a smile, then there come a point when things start to pile up and pile up and pile up....and all hell break loose.

This post is about discrimination that my son (and me with him) is suffering because of his autism. And I'm not even sure he's aware of it, or of his condition for the matter. But I am. And while somethings sting, some others just plain hurt.

Last episode was hurtful, but mostly was unjust, unnecessary and could have turned in something every dangerous for my son's health. I need to share all this, so that it doesn't keep floating in my head, giving headache and affecting the way I see the world.

 Last week, Gabriel had a male issue. I'm his main care giver, but on this one I was a bit at loss. So I goggled the symptoms and decided that a visit to the doctor was in order. I would usually bring him to our local family doctor that knows him from years, but unfortunately he retired. Having to pick a new doc, I decided that probably was best to get a pediatrician for this one, so off I went to the closest pediatric studio to see if I can get an app ASAP. The lady at the reception was very helpful, listened to my concerns, took a very nice medical history and gave me an appointment first thing for the morning: I was very impressed. But it didn't last long. Upon arriving to the office for my appointment, I was informed that the doctor was running late and he wasn't sure he could keep the appointment. In the meanwhile, Gabriel had starting having a light bleeding on top of his symptoms, so I stress the importance to see a doctor immediately. The lady then proceed to call the doc on the phone and then tells me that he can't take our case on after all because of my son Autism as he isn't an expert on the matter. I tried to make a few funny jokes explaining the woman to tell the doctor that I wasn't asking him to check my son "real" brain, but was still a no go, the doctor wouldn't see us but suggested we'd go to the emergency room if thing worsen. At this point I became very alarmed, if it was such a serious matter that required the ER, I really needed the doc to check it out. Still he refused, but the best part was when they tried to change me for the "visit" than never happen. That's when I finally took my shit up and left the office telling them "Try to bill me!!"

My mom educated me very good, too good, because this is a situation when I really hope I could get the balls to say what I really think and what I think it should be said.

Anyway, I did get the help I needed for my son issue and he's on a treatment that is working and he will be just fine. Thank goodness for that. I'm grateful, I really am, the people that ended up helping us were awesome with me and him, I can't thank them enough.

But I'm also pissed off with the ones that didn't help, I'm hurt, I'm fed up with this shit and I'm not gonna take it any more. I'm not gonna be "the good guy" anymore just because mommy taught me so. Being good isn't gonna cut it to get my son the help he needs WHEN he needs it and I'm sorry mom, but you're not gonna read this anyway and if you do, you won't understand English anyway. Translate it with Google and if I upset you, I'm sorry, I'm trying to be a good mom, just like you are to me.

So, here is the thing: I'm gonna tell you the name of the doctor that turned us away.
Actually, I have a list of "bad guys" that are screwing with Gabriel business and have for a long time. I'm gonna publish their names and you can go ahead and call them and let them know that I did. I don't care. Actually, I do want you to go ahead and call them, and let them know that what their are doing to us is bull shit and they can kiss my ass.

The doctor that turned us away is Luis Gomez, from ABC pediatric here in my hole in Niceville. Have a child that is autistic and he's bleeding? Don't go there, he won't take you. Doesn't matter if the bleeding is on a foot, hand or whatever, he won't take you as he's not an expert in Autism. No Pediatrician for you because you have Autism.

Wanna know the name of the school that is rejecting students that have Autism? Bluewater elementary school, here in the "nice" Niceville. In particular, I want to thank the Guidance Counselor, Pat Licursi, for saying that sending Gabriel to a typical classroom will cause his to feel ridicule and we were bad parents for wanting to try, the staffing specialist Pat Dombrowsky to tell us that we have no clue to what it takes to teach a child with autism (I've only been doing it for 8 years after all!) and that if I didn't like the way the Okaloosa county was handling our situation I could go to private schools, and the county staffing specialist, Penny Mclean, that when I went to her to ask for help in my situation, did absolutely nothing, earning hard her salary (our tax $$$$). No school for you because you have Autism (you can only go to the closest school were the county decided that all the children with autism have to go!)

There, it's done, feeling so much better.......

Al last.....

I'm sure most of my readers are wondering why I'm not writing anymore. The reason is the the past few months have been a little bit of a roller coaster with so many things happening one after another that was difficult for me to absorb them all and put them down in writing.
But now I really need to get some of it now.

It's barely 7 am here and I've been up from 1 hour already. Why?
Gabriel started at his new school today. And nope, it's not the school where my daughter is going, the one that he wanted in so badly. They decided he wasn't good enough for them. Instead the county sent him 30 miles away. I guess for the Okaloosa County is perfectly fine for a disabled child to have to wake up before 6 to be sent to a school far away to get some "services" that the local school seems to think they don't need to provide. It sucks and it's wrong. They are wrong by thinking that I'm just going to accept that.

So after fighting from September, hiring a lawyer and threatening legal action, my son still didn't get in the school he wanted. Maybe I'm old, but when I was school age I picked my own school and my parents had a say so if they deemed that inappropriate for any reason. For the Okaloosa county the students opinion is nothing and parents are just tax payers fools. Nice.

I'm so worried for my boy today and I know that I'm more scared than he is.
It's 7.20 now and I imagine he just made it to school and somebody is directing him to his classroom. I can only hope that he remembers me telling him to listen to what people say and pay attention so he will get in the right classroom. You see, for people with Autism like me and him every new thing seems out of place for a while and can be very scary. This morning for him all it's new and although I know we showed him the way to cope with all that and he has been doing wonderfully, part of me still fears. But of course I do, is the Autism making me talk this way.

This will be a very loooooooooooooong day I can tell.....

You did it, Gabriel!

Where have I been??? To celebrate Gabriel graduation of course.
December 15th, 2011 will be date that my family will never forget, an important milestone in Gabriel's life and reason of pride in the family.

Some of you are readers here from years and now all about the tales, my worries, my frustration, the progress about Gabriel condition. But some of you are probably here for the first time, so I want to share our journey with you, as briefly as I can.

When Gabriel was born I was a college student and my husband was serving in the Navy. As any parent, we read all the books about parenting and children. We wanted to give Gabriel all the love, warmth and happiness that we could give. With time tho, we found out that it wasn't enough. Something was amiss but we could not put our finger on it.

By the time Gabriel was 3, his sister Michelle came along and we moved away from Italy and established ourselves in the United States of America. Gabriel lack of verbal communication was at the point very noticeable. I had a 6 months baby girl that called me "Mommy" more times in a day that Gabriel ever did in 3 years.

While the ghost of Autism was slowly but surely appearing in our life, we started seeking help from doctors, specialist and professionals. All of them kept telling us that Gabriel "seemed just a little slow" but generally fine, dismissing the possibility of him being autistic altogether.

At 4, Gabriel was tested by the Child Find. His IQ was only 85, had down probably 50 words total and was slipping away from us socially and emotionally. Those tests qualified him for PreKD in the public school, a free preschool program for kids with special needs that seemed to slightly help.

During the summer before he starts Kindergarten sorry goes terribly wrong. Tho he has always been a very picky eater, he stopped eating altogether and when he tried, the food won't stay down. He's loosing weight, sitting idle all day in the living room. No physical grow = No developmental grow. I think was the scariest time of my life and the doctors were useless. I sat down with him everyday, kept a diary with the food that he ingested, what he could keep down, what made him sick and finally understand: Gluten and dairy are a not go.

On September 2008, we started are gluten-free and dairy free diet and Gabriel health and his development made a 180 degree turn. His weight was going up, his smile was back, he was learning in school and at the end of the Kindergarten school year was even able to perform in the school recital, dancing and singing with all the other kindergartens. The road was still long, but progresses were made, his vocabulary was about 200 words now, 4 times the number where he started from.

On August 2009, Gabriel started First Grade and things went down hill fast. The school wasn't providing the services that Gabriel needed and the helped him so much during the past year. No speech therapy, no occupational therapy, his classroom doesn't have a teacher for a long time and when they finally get one, she's totally unprepared and not qualified to deal with Gabriel. Trouble started at 5.30 in the morning with my son crying and begging me not to send him to school 'cause everyone is mean to him. few hours later in the morning, the teacher calls hysterically to come and get Gabriel because "once again he yelled at me, doesn't listen to me and I don't know how to deal with him!"
Every time my son comes back from school it's always a new bruise, a new cut, a complaint from the teacher. His health take a turn for the worse after a visit from the police officer at the school that explain that bad people goes to jail. As his teacher always tells him that he's bad, Gabriel starts loosing sleeps over this.

After my countless attempts to communicate with school personnel without success, it's clear to me that I've done all I can and I need to find Gabriel another school. We had to seek help in the private sector and in January 2010, Gabriel is enrolled in ECAC
Stacy Berryman and her wonderful staff worked with Gabriel for a little less than a year and simply made a miracle. My boy is BACK.

Sempterber 2011, Staci informed me that Gabriel will be able to graduate from the school soon, so I started to look around for the best school for him. Since my daughter is now in Kindergarten, he expresses the desire to go in her same school, so I start from there and the result is a fight that is still today going on.

December 15th 2011, Gabriel is ready to graduate from ECAC. His behavioral problems are almost all gone, in the past 3 months he was tested again, this time scoring a perfect IQ.....no more special Education classrooms!!!!!! Although the fight with the school is still going and I'm preparing for a big match on January, nobody can convince me that this boy cannot accomplish anything he puts his mind to and no wonder....he takes after me!!!

I love you Gabriel and your smile means a lot more that any score test, but you did it dude!!!! You've shown every body that is possible if you believe!!!!

Enjoy a little video everyone, I proudly show you MY charming, silly, funny and autistic SON :)

It's coming.....

....Gabriel's graduation that is! Just few days, it's so close!!
And even tho we have hoped pried and waited for this day to come, it's seems just yesterday that he started this journey and how much growing he did!!
More picture of the event to come, stay tuned :)

Soccer season 2011

After 2 years of red, this year Gabriel is in the blue team. I was really impressed on how it handled being on a different team. Considering that red is his favorite color I thought he was gonna trow a fit or be upset, but....nope. Here he is, with his best buddy

And with the coach, throwing the ball back in the field

Still really hot here, so he has to take frequent breaks and keep hydrate.

That was a good kick.....

....too bad didn't score!

Parents night out!

Gabriel's school is hosting another parents night out tonight. The therapists will watch the kids enrolled in the school and their siblings, so the parents can have a 3 hours date worry free!! Me and hubby haven't decided what to do in 3 hours yet, but if will sure include a meal somewhere without the requirement of a playground or coloring menus to entertain the children lol

We already had one and was back in January....as much as we enjoyed, was with much horror that we come home from it and found the eviction note in our mail. So call me paranoid, as much as I'm happy to go out tonight, I'm very worried about what I will wake up to tomorrow.

But I try to keep it positive.

And on that positive note, I thought it would be nice to share some progresses that Big G (as we call Gabriel now) had made in the past weeks:
♥ He was telling me a story about a book he read at school. I didn't know that story, but he saying made perfect sense. When I brought him to school, he runs to pick up the book to show it to me and starts reading to me. Now his reading and comprehension it's nothing really new, but he's ability to memorize and summarize a story and being able to explain it in a way that made sense to another human being totally is. His growing interest in something that is not a video game is also very encouraging.
♥ He accepted bacon, turkey bacon and a little bit of steak introduced in his diet. He even tried (all by himself) celery and accepted to eat strawberries with his sister.
♥ He made the most cute ceramic tile for my husband for Father's day (I will be sure to make a post about it).
♥ Yesterday when our neighbor nephew stopped by to play with him and offered him a lollipop, he smiling accepted it without retrieving and making a disgusted face. He enjoyed the candy and then engaged appropriately in a hide-and-seek game involving Michelle too.
♥ Picking him up from school, he made me a small red paper heart and wrote "I love you mommy" that simply melted my heart.
♥ He also accepted to get back to soccer games even after the ball in the face he took last fall.

Between hope and mortfication

This is a little story about Gabriel, something that happened last Thursday.

You need to know that my daughter goes to preschool and almost everyday, if she behaves, she gets a little toy to bring home from the "treasure box" from her classroom.

So happened that Gabriel used to go to the same classroom with the same teacher few years back. Since we moved him to the autism center, he really misses the "treasury box" toy every day and became obsessed with what his sister brings home, at the point that my daughter started to bring home toys that might like him for then her (I know, she's a sweetheart!).

Since I do want my daughter to enjoy her toys and understand that she deserved them for her good conduct, I tried to distract Gabriel on other things, bringing him a snack when I pick him up from school. He seemed to enjoy that. Or so I thought.

Last Thursday we were in the car on the way home and as usual my daughter was showing her toy to her brother. With my surprise, when she asked him if he wanted it, he answered no and said that he got some toys too. So, here he goes, pulling some tiny toys from the pocket of his pants. I immediately asked him how he got them and he told me the teacher gave it to him.
But something didn't smelled right.

Couple of hours later, my neighbor that also happened to be Gabriel's teacher, passed by my house walking her dog and of course talking among other things, I questioned her about the toys that Gabriel brought home and how I didn't believed him. Of course, I was right! I called my boy outside and at the sight of his teacher, he came out with his hands sticking forward ready to surrender his toys.

I was mortified! I was right, my kid stole toys from his school. Or course, me and the teacher lectured him about how bad that was and that the toys should stay in school for all the kids to enjoy and he shouldn't take stuff without asking and not lie to mommy and blah blah blah.
A very sad kid run inside to hide and his mama wished she could do it too.

With my relief, the teacher didn't do a big fuss about it, she actually winked at me and told me that she understood what I was feeling and I was right about explaining to Gabriel that wasn't ok, but she also told me that this is a behavior of a typical developed 7 years old and not the behaviors of a child with autism. Was obviously planned ahead with "almost"(teacher/neighbor excluded) all the details worked out.

In the mortification and the shame, my heart was a bit lighter with hope for yet another step forward a full recovery.

And here I'm standing, between hope and mortification for a little bit longer.

Gabriel's recap!

Some of you might remember, few weeks back I had a really bad melt down about not being able to put Gabriel in a better school.
If you don't remember, you can read all about it in here.

A lot has happened since that day, a real roller coasters of things going well and then go sour again and then ok for a little bit and so on...you know how it goes.

The school where Gabriel is going now finally hired a permanent teacher, we talked to her and she seems nice but unfortunately has no clue whatsoever on how to deal with kids with autism.
I tried to gently give suggestions and she graciously put them to work, but truth being said, I think the school should have its personal qualified for the job. It's not my duty to "train" a teacher to the wonders of autism and it's not Gabriel's to be an experiment in her failures.

So of course we found a better place, an Autism Center very close by, with an amazing program and lots of resources for Gabriel...... and a HUGE price tag.
Now understand: I will pay everything is the world to get Gabriel what he needs, but the reality is that I don't have much to begin with.

Obviously I wasn't happy or proud that I found all that awesome help and wasn't going to get it for him. I was actually kinda of depressed and sad.

But there is something I learned this week and that is help is given to the ones who ask for it. And so I asked.....insurances, grants, scholarship....anything and everything I could think of.

In the meanwhile, the director of the Autism Center called Gabriel in for an evaluation, to see what he will be needing and how they can provide it. She was really impressed by him and told me that she can make things work with the scholarship we'll get.
So that's it! She granted me my Christmas wish few days ago accepting Gabriel to her school!!!!

He will start in January (mind you, in time for his birthday) and he cannot wait. Couldn't stop jumping up and down for the joy when we told him.

So, this is our story, with a new chapter starting January 2011 that I'm sure will end with a fully recovered Gabriel, that one day will grow up and will be able to see that we did anything we could to help him out.

It's all I was asking for this year for Christmas: I got my miracle and I hope you'll get yours :)

Well, ok!

I was going to have a post showing off my Halloween creations, but.....Hell with that!
I'm mad and seriously going through hell right now.

Remember Gabriel right? He's my son, a cute little boy that put light in my days.
I've written about him and how much I love him a least a million times in the pages of this blog. If you read my blog, you'll know that Gabriel was born with a light form of Autism. He's now 6, was diagnosed a year ago, tho we always knew deep inside. For years (and now still) I tortured myself thinking if I could have done anything different during his conception and the pregnancy to avoid all this. To this day, the doctors assured me that it's not my fault, or hubby's fault or nobody's fault for all that matter. I tried to make piece with that fact in my brain, but in my heart is a whole different story. But I tried, to hide the tears, to swallow my worries and looks for resources and things that could help him. And we found quite a few: some were really easy to get around, some weren't so much and some are completely out of our reach.

Gabriel was put in preschool in a special ed program, took summer school in the same program and we saw some results: He was drawing and talking a bit more.
After a scary spring where Gabriel stopped eating and growing, we started him on a gluten-free diet and off he went to Kindergarten where we amazingly saw some huge progresses.
Started him on physical activities, extra speech therapy, group therapy (you named it, we tried all!) and he started thriving again, gaining his wight, eating right, growing to fit his size clothes and smiling and talking and loving.

This school year started and off to 1st grade went, confident that every thing will be just a growing curve from here........boy was I wrong! His teacher retires, the assistant doesn't know what she's doing, he gets hurt on a daily basis and over all just regressing, but most important UNHAPPY.
So here I'm, once again, worrying, running around, asking here, demanding there, yelling, kicking, screaming.......I finally find a new school for him that can be just IT. Only trouble: we cannot afford it. But again: I won't stop. I ask for funds available, I file for scholarships, I demand from my insurance......NOTHING.

Gabriel is not going to get ANYTHING. His autism is not sever enough, his disability it's not obvious, overall HE'S DOING KINDA OF OK AND NEEDS TO HANG IN THERE.

I'm mad! My heart is dead. Nobody will help us and we are on our own.

I will give you a picture of my financial situation: my husband is the only one working at the moment. Well, I'm self employed but let's face it: can't afford to advertise my business, so I make a profit of $20/week when I'm lucky. I have a degree in biology that will allow me to get on a good job and resolve our troubles, BUT I will need to pay in order to have it convalidated here in the States (I took my degree in Italy) and sustain some college courses to make sure that I'm up to date. Too bad I don't have the money to do that either.
We don't own any properties: we're renting an house that is broken and falling in pieces and drive a car borrowed from relatives that is literally keeping up the pieces together with scotch tape. Don't believe me? I can show you a picture if you wish! It's humiliating, but I'll do it!
On top on that, gluten-free food is not cheap, you know?

How does that sound?

My son is coming home from a school he hates in less that 5 minutes. He's gonna ask me once again if he can go to another place where they are not mean to him. Again.

I don't know how can I look him in the eyes and tell him that it's not gonna happen.
I think my heart is going to brake in so many pieces.

I can't stand to watch myself in the mirror, I can't stand being ME right now.
I wish he wouldn't have to be a victim of the fact that we're poor. I wish I can just close my eyes and never leave this situation. I don't know how to go on with this, I don't know why I should go on.

What's next?
I'm trying to evaluate alternatives but I don't see a light.